Long, long ago, a year before Imran Khan won cricket’s most expensive libel case, and two weeks after over 22 million people tuned in to watch Princess Diana‘s famous BBC One interview, Waqar Younis cleaned up McGrath’s stumps, in December 1995, to add some respectability to a humbling series loss, offering hope for more successful tours in the future.

Fast forward 28 years, and Pakistan have failed to win a single match in six subsequent tours of Australia since, losing every single one of the last 14.

There seems to be little chance of things changing this time around as Pakistan come into the series against the reigning WTC champions without their best fast bowler, their best spinner, and yet another new captain — one averaging a measly 15.75 from his last 16 innings, since he scored a career-best 156 against England in 2020.

The series result seems to be a foregone conclusion; however, Pakistan can take some heart in knowing that the ceiling could, quite literally, not be any lower. It will take something truly extraordinary by even Pakistan’s standards to outdo their numerous once-in-a-lifetime Australian tours from hell, which we rank from worst to best:

2019/20

Perhaps the only time that Pakistan toured Australia with a more undercooked bowling attack than the one they currently have, everyone knew that Pakistan would be no match to Australia’s batting firepower, which boasted David Warner and Steve Smith at the height of their powers; however, the extent of the disparities between the sides was astonishing.

After the current Pakistan chief selector, Wahab Riaz, refused a call-up to this tour, something he has ironically publicly criticised speedster Haris Rauf for doing this time around, Pakistan were forced to rely on a 16-year-old debuting Naseem Shah, a developing Shaheen Afridi, and an internationally inexperienced Imran Khan Sr to spearhead their bowling attack.

The result was as expected. David Warner and Marnus Labuschagne scored centuries as Australia racked up 580 and won by an innings and five runs.

Things only got worse for Pakistan in the second and final Test of the series, one that saw 19-year-old Musa Khan come into the side for his Test debut.

Pakistan’s toothless bowling attack, evidently out of their depth, only managed three wickets between them for 589 runs before Australia declared to put them out of their misery, after David Warner had plundered an unbeaten 335.

Pakistan lost this game, like the first, by an innings, managing to take only 13 Australian wickets in the whole tour.

It was telling that Pakistan’s only positive takeaway from the series was number eight Yasir Shah scoring an inconsequential century, which offered a singular high in a series of bottomless lows.

2004/05

The Pakistani team that toured Australia in the summer of 2004/05, which had a terrific batting line-up that included the likes of Younis Khan, Mohammad Yousuf and the now disgraced ex-captain Salman Butt, led by the great Inzamam-ul-Haq, offered a lot of promise.

Any potential that this team had of breaking Pakistan’s Australia curse, however, immediately dissipated as Pakistan’s accomplished batting line-up collectively managed only 251 in the first Test, including an embarrassing 72 all out in the second innings, losing by 491 runs.

There would be no recovery akin to India’s after they were bundled out for 36 in the first match of their tour of Australia three years ago during the rest of the series either.

Pakistan lost the next two games by nine wickets, barely competing, as they experienced what by that point had become the expected whitewash in Australia.

1999/00

Pakistan’s tour down under in 1999 came barely six months after they lost to Australia in the World Cup final after dominating the tournament until the final, much like India in this recently concluded tournament.

There was an expectation of and desire for revenge; to best Australia on their shores as Pakistan toured with one of their most talented red-ball teams of all time led by Wasim Akram, under whom Pakistan had only lost five of 22 Tests.

Pakistan started the first Test strongly with the bat before being overpowered by Australia, losing the game by ten wickets, in what became the first of 14 matches that Pakistan have now lost in a row in Australia.

Defeat in the first Test was then followed by a four-wicket and an innings defeat, where the likes of Wasim Akram, Shoaib Akhtar and Mushtaq Ahmed struggled, which, sadly for Pakistan, established that even their best was no match for Australia’s.

2016/17

After Steve Smith and Peter Handscomb both reached three figures while batting together in a partnership of 172 runs – one that outscored Pakistan’s first innings total of 142, Pakistan were staring at another embarrassing series surrender in Australia.

Pakistan were trounced in this series, 3-0, but not as severely as it seemed halfway through the first match, as Pakistan did have their moments on this tour.

Chasing 490, which would have been the highest successful run chase in Test match history, against Mitchell Starc, Josh Hazlewood and Nathan Lyon, Pakistan losing was a foregone conclusion; however, Asad Shafiq scored a brilliant 137 — one of the finest innings by a Pakistani in Australia — bringing Pakistan to the verge of a famous victory.

Despite the loss, Pakistan were hopeful going into the second match, in which Azhar Ali scored an unbeaten 205 before Pakistan declared at 443. Unfortunately for them, however, Australia responded with a mammoth total of 624. Pakistan then capitulated in their second innings and lost by an innings, having declared in their first innings.

Pakistan were mauled in the final Test, with the loss in the second Test having taken the wind out of their sails, as what was the world’s best Test side in August 2016 succumbed to an all too familiar series whitewash just five months later, in January.

2009/10

Pakistan lost 3-0 in the Australian summer of 2009; however, this was one of only two series since 1999 where Pakistan did not suffer an innings defeat.

In the second game of this three-match series, Pakistan came very close to winning. Having taken a first-innings lead of 206 after reducing Australia to a meagre 127 thanks to a brilliant Mohammad Asif spell where he took 6-41, Pakistan fell 36 runs short of a simple chase of 176.

It is indicative of just how poor Pakistan have been in Australia that failing to chase a smallish target and not suffering innings defeats represents Pakistan’s ‘best’ showing in Australia since they last won a game in 1995.

****

Considering Pakistan’s horror tour of 2019, losing the upcoming series respectably may just suffice; however, whether that will be the case remains to be seen.

It is a baptism of fire for Shan Masood, who could find himself losing his place in the side altogether, mere weeks after being announced as captain, if things go as terribly as they did in 2019.