The independent voice of cricket

International Cricket

Robin Uthappa: ‘Cricket kept my mind off being suicidal’

by Wisden Staff 3 minute read

Indian batsman Robin Uthappa has opened up on how he suffered from suicidal thoughts earlier in his playing career.

Uthappa, 34, hasn’t added to his 59 international appearances since 2015 but continues to ply his trade in domestic cricket, including the IPL where he is currently with Rajasthan Royals. Part of the 2007 T20 World Cup-winning side, Uthappa opened up during an episode of ‘Mind, Body and Soul’, narrating a difficult phase in his life from 2009 to 2011.

“There were a couple of years of competitive cricket when I wasn’t even thinking about cricket,” Uthappa said. “It was probably the farthest thing in my mind.

“I was thinking about how I would survive this day and move on to the next, what’s gonna happen to my life and in which direction am I heading. From 2009 to 2011, it was constant. It was something I would deal with on a day-to-day basis. Cricket kept my mind off being suicidal. When I didn’t have cricket was the most difficult time; the off season between June and September were really hard days.”

“On those days, I would just be sitting there and would think to myself, ‘On the count of three, I’m going to run on my balcony and jump off’,” he said. “I would go through that, and something just kept holding me back.

“That is when, for some reason, I picked up a book and started writing things about myself. I said: ‘Let me understand who I am as a person. Why am I wanting to make this decision to end my life?’ I started getting more aware about myself.”

Uthappa added that the use of a counsellor “changed my life”.

“For me, all my experiences have moulded me into the person I am today and I have no regrets on my negative experience as they’ve helped me develop positively,” he added.

Have Your Say

Become a Wisden member

  • Exclusive offers and competitions
  • Money-can’t-buy experiences
  • Join the Wisden community
  • Sign up for free
Latest magazine

Get the magazine

12 Issues for just £39.99