Happy new year. We’re in 2024, and Test cricket still continues to throw up new surprises. The shortest Test ever, a tedious two days long affair, became the first completed red-ball game of the year.

Even in those six sessions, there was so much to unpack: the moody, bouncy pitch itself, Jasprit Bumrah and Mohammed Siraj’s six-fors, India’s six-for-nought collapse, South Africa’s 55 all out record. And if you weren’t amused enough, there was the running, muted meme commentary of Meme King Virat Kohli to take you through the shor-Test.

It’s safe to say that Kohli is the most expressive cricketer around, and that has nothing to do with his batting style. Each Test brings along a new clip, ranging from a few seconds to half a minute (rarely longer) of pure, unadulterated Kohli, living his life in front of the camera along with the additional job of being a cricketer. Cape Town was well served. Here’s a recap.

HawkEye

You may or may not know, but Keshav Maharaj has a new entry song to his name. When he walked in to bat in Cape Town, the DJ started playing “Ram Siya Ram“, a religious hymn dedicated to the Hindu Lord Ram. KL Rahul cheekily asked Maharaj from behind the stumps during the third ODI: “They always play this when you come in?”

Kohli couldn’t help but respond. In an enactment of Lord Ram’s famous pose, Kohli retracted a bow on an imaginary arrow and released it, welcoming Maharaj with folded hands. The Kohli cam was obviously ready.

The expression

There’s no way to explain it. The cameras looked at Kohli, in a moment of absurdity, he warped his face into a weird expression, part scared, part scary, proper Mr Bean style. Pure quirks, no logic. We can never know what runs inside the brain of this guy.

Bail switch

Stuart Broad started it. Kohli’s turning it into a meme.In the dying embers of an already topsy turvy day, Kohli added more spice by running from the slip cordon to switch bails, just before Aiden Markram faced the last ball of the day. Since morning, 23 wickets had already fallen: Kohli could have saved his magic charm for a harder day.

Ring a Ring o’ Roses

It’s difficult to estimate how many Test cricketers like to hold their bestie’s hands in the middle of a serious Test match, and jump around in a circle like toddlers. Kohli and Gill decided to Ring Around The Rosie in the middle of Cape Town, broad smiles beaming on their face. Someone reminded Kohli on Twitter that he had a two-year-old daughter. Can’t fathers have fun?

https://twitter.com/ShubmanGang/status/1742573206257770733

The handshake

There’s no dearth of inside jokes in this team: you’ll always spot amusement and leg-pulling between deliveries. One such video shows Kohli approaching KL Rahul, who had dropped Markram earlier, right after Aiden Markram’s dismissal and gently putting his hand out to congratulate, before patting him on the back. He repeats it exactly seconds later, forcing Rahul into a handshake, and then pushes Gill to enact the same thing. By this time, Rahul’s done with the absurdity, and tells off Gill.

“I’ll hit you for 30 runs in one over”

Bowlers, beware. Batting during India’s infamous first innings collapse, Virat Kohli was heard on the stump mic proclaiming: “I’ll hit you for 30 runs in one over. Try bowling a length ball!”. Now it isn’t clear who he was speaking to – Nandre Burger, whose knowledge of the Hindi language is unclear, Shreyas Iyer, a poor collateral damage to Kohli’s internal angst, or Kohli himself, playing a scenario in his head and using words to match. Great batters, great quirks.

The squat

As players from both teams positioned themselves for a photo-op beside the trophy, Kohli held himself in an awkward squat, striking a solo pose for the photographers. Unfortunately, no one joined him, and he was forced to adopt a more conventional pose. Pah, no fun around.

Love him, hate him or anything in between, good luck ignoring Kohli and his shenanigans. In the multiverse of memes, they’ll somehow find their way into your screen.

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Virat KohliIndia cricket newsMatch CoverageSeries EditorialSouth Africa v India