England had won the toss and elected to bowl under cloudy skies at Lord’s, but were only able to take two wickets across the first two sessions. Steve Smith and Marnus Labuschagne had taken Australia to nearly 200 by the second interval, prompting Pietersen to voice his displeasure on the Sky Sports Cricket coverage.

“It’s been shambolic, absolutely shambolic,” said Pietersen. “You have overhead conditions, you have a wicket that suits your bowlers and you have bowlers running in at 78, 79, 80 mph. Now it’s one thing walking around here, swanning around saying ‘it’s a wonderful team to play in, we’re creating the best environment,’ but this is not Ashes cricket. I’ve played Ashes cricket, I played 30 Test matches against Australia. The Australians here were outside to bat before the English bowlers.

“The English bowlers this morning should’ve been on those stairs saying ‘we want to bowl at Australian, we’re desperate to bowl at Australia.’ These two Australian batters were out there waiting for England. They’re the ones who should’ve been in the room saying we don’t want to bat.”

Ollie Robinson had been bowling significantly under his normal pace in the morning session, with CricViz data showing his average pace was as low as 78.9mph/127kph. That’s four miles per house slower than his average speed in the first Test he played in the summer of 2022, where he averaged 82.9mph/133.4kph.

Pietersen was also unhappy about the friendly interactions between the two sets of players on the pitch. At the beginning of the day, play was delayed for a time while Jonny Bairstow changes his whites which were stained while he dealt with a pitch invasion from Don’t Stop Oil protestors. David Warner and Stuart Broad had what appeared to be a friendly chat while waiting for Bairstow to return.

“It was all too easy, all too nice,” said Pietersen. “Are you telling me that Ricky Ponting in 2005 is going to be talking to Geraint Jones? You think Michael Vaughan is going to be standing next to Justin Langer and saying, ‘Here mate, what a cool day, it’s overcast, it’s beautiful, what an awesome day. I mean the environment at here at Lord’s, what do you think of the wicket?’ Are you joking? Are you absolutely joking?

“I just hope they’re in the dressing room now and the England coach is giving them the biggest hammering and saying it’s not good enough. It’s absolutely not good enough. You cannot bowl that here today. You have these conditions, you cannot declare for 390, do you think Australia are declaring today? Do you think Australia are getting 390 today and saying, England have a bat? No chance.”

After a brief, somewhat more diplomatic, intervention from Eoin Morgan, Ian Ward chipped in for a sly dig at Pietersen’s history in relation to behaviour with opposition sides.

“You can’t get too friendly with the opposition, can you Kev?” Ward said, referring to the infamous Text-gate incident in 2012.

“Have you set me up Ward?” Pietersen responded. “I’ve just rung the bell, I’ve been part of the establishment here today and you’ve set me up. But listen, go ask anyone who’s watching here today, any of these fans. If we popped a mic on in here and said, are you happy with what you’ve seen today in conditions which should suit England? I’m afraid to say, I may be wrong but I don’t think I’m wrong, I don’t think there’s a single England fan who’s happy with what they’ve seen today.”

After Pietersen’s criticism, Robinson took a wicket in the fourth over after tea. He bowled a jaffa to get Labuschagne caught behind for 47. That wicket left Australia 198-3.