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Here, then, was one of those WACA days for English cricketers. One that made them pay for their earlier missteps. One that featured just one wicket. One that features as many drinks breaks as maidens. One that sees the rare records you set the day before overtaken. One that makes you look at the scoreboard and say, “wait, what, there are 20 overs left?” One that it feels almost impossible to believe that England – actually, technically, just about, for now – still hold the Ashes.

It was not even that hot, and still all this happened. And it will probably be exactly the same on Sunday. The move across the Swan to the homogenous Perth Stadium cannot come soon enough for England, who would be forgiven for heading back to The Avenue tonight. That said, if they do, they might be a little wasteful with the third new ball in the morning.

England were all gum, no teeth. They were not totally dire but, equally, not even good enough to create a chance for a fielder to spill. They were willing to the last, just totally devoid of the weapons required to succeed on a surface like this. Dosed-up Craig Overton, playing his second Test with a brave face masking a cracked rib, was the pick of the seamers, and, as Marsh said when leaving the field, Malan was the pick of the spinners. Eat that, England. Marsh had earned the right to take the piss.

It’s all a bit like Mumbai and Chennai last winter (with totals in the 400s bringing innings defeats). The final over of the day, during which a conga began on the hill, saw the stand move past 300. Total, utter dominance confirmed and the day’s numbers read 346-1. Now all that really matters is how England bat, when Australia finally allow them to do so. Not whether it rains, or whether they can pick up more wickets. They will need to go out again and not be dismissed. It’s that simple.

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