England’s Test side has been wobbling with increasing severity but there seems to be a persistent politeness that things will come good soon. Patrick Alexander, for one, has run out of patience.
Patrick Alexander is a writer and former Head of English at The Latymer School. He lives in London with his wife and a number of cricket bats. Twitter: @i_padawan
Perhaps the greatest challenge faced by writers of the 1990s was finding new ways to describe the ineptitude of the England cricket team. No-one dedicated themselves to this grim task with more masochistic fervour than The Independent’s Martin Johnson.
During the Ashes series of 1993, Johnson suggested the little urn of burned bails was no longer sufficient as a signifier of English feebleness. Why not burn down the entire Long Room at Lord’s, put the remnants in a silage container and present it to Michael Atherton’s grandchildren?
A white-ball specialist Test coach; white-ball lopsided scheduling; white-ball formats formulated on fag-packets and presented with all the care and sensitivity of a bank holiday birdcall. And, perhaps most jarringly for county championship purists, white-ball specialists selected for the Test side despite, in recent months, having played roughly the same amount of first-class cricket as Angela Lansbury.
Yes, Jos Buttler played well. Yes, the white-ball side looks rosy. And yes, the women’s game is in rude health. These are not small achievements. But if the ECB do in fact care about their existing audience, they need to start showing it. Fires can also be started by negligence.
