He sat down with Wisden Cricket Monthly editor-in-chief Phil Walker to discuss hitting Ponting, bouncing Lara, supporting Fred, the “golden age” of ’04 to ’06, and how he survived being simultaneously on top of the world and on the floor.
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In 2004, Stephen Harmison was 25, playing for England in the same team as his best mate, earning good money, happily married, and recognised as the best exponent of his job in the world. And he felt dreadful.
At The Oval in 2004, the England team stood on the verge of a staggering tenth Test win of the calendar year. Their opponents, the West Indies of Gayle, Lara and Chanderpaul, had already taken six of those beatings. England batted first, a boy called Ian Bell made 70 on debut against a pumped-up Fidel Edwards, and by lunch on day two they’d got up to 470.
By mid-afternoon, it was over to the bowlers. To peak Hoggard, pounding Flintoff and the promise of Jimmy Anderson. Things were happening fast by this stage, and for all the handfuls of signposts staked along the road, 2004 still felt like a sudden and seismic acceleration. English cricket fans, for the first time in 20 years, were enjoying a summer-long showcase of Ashes-readiness.
In 55 overs that day across two brutalised Windies innings – the tourists having followed-on to finish two-down at the close – 10 wickets would be taken by England’s quicks. But they didn’t fall to Flintoff or Hoggard, who at least managed one apiece, nor to Anderson, who went wicketless. Not that it mattered, because the gaggle of arms and legs who’d got things rolling that year with a spell of seven wickets for 12 at Sabina Park, Jamaica, had already decided to finish the job himself.
Did you talk to people close around you?
When you feel that bad, it doesn’t matter who you talk to. There’s only one person suffering, you. I used to write things down to make me feel better. I spent a lot of time with Keysy, we shared a room and he would listen. But at the end of the day, they couldn’t do anything, I would try to go somewhere to get away from it, but it never worked. You don’t suffer in silence, but you suffer on your own. You must work out for yourself the natural progression of getting out of a negative mindset and into a more positive atmosphere.
Do you think there’s something innate about cricket that makes many people who play it professionally vulnerable to mental health issues?
I think it’s a hard one to blame on the game. There are individuals who are prone to having chemical imbalances in their bodies before coming into the game. A lot of the negative thoughts come when you’re by yourself. I don’t believe cricket is a team game, it’s an individual sport that is played by 11 people. It’s good to have team plans and strategies, but essentially, it all comes down to if that person bats well or that person bowls well. The mind is a cruel thing – at times, if someone’s balance is not right, that’s when cricket makes them susceptible to mental health issues.
You said earlier some people think you didn’t fulfil your potential. Is that your opinion?
No, not one bit. Whatever people thought about the career I had I couldn’t care, I was happy with what I’d done. I enjoyed playing with the people I played with, and I put the best I possibly could in every single time, and whether it was good enough or not, I always knew I could sleep well at night knowing I’ve tried my best. It was always questioned throughout my career, whether I wanted to play cricket for England, whether I wanted to tour, the ‘homesickness’ problems were continuously brought up, but I was happy with them saying that, because there was more to it.
So that ‘homesickness’ euphemism that the England management fell back on was a necessary shield?
It was like putting an Elastoplast over where you should have put stitches. There was so much going on that I couldn’t let out and that I didn’t want to let out because I’ve seen what happened to two or three people where the minute you mention it, if you have one bad game you’re finished and you don’t play again. How I finished was brilliant. That Oval lap of honour in 2009 was muted compared to 2005, but me and Fred walked round very slowly. It was one of my most enjoyable moments walking off that pitch, because I knew that was me done, and the next chapter of my life was starting. We wanted to soak it all in, but we were both relieved.
Do you have a picture for your life over the next couple of years?
It’s basically a day by day thing. I’ve really enjoyed doing the commentary, I haven’t done as much TV as I would have liked but hopefully that’s still yet to come. I really do enjoy talking about the game, I love watching these players play well and to talk about when they’re playing well. The game still gives me a lot of pleasure.
