OK, so Pep Guardiola might have admitted, on a star powered Instagram Live with Virat Kohli, that he knows next to nothing about cricket. But what if he did?

Picture it: The football season ends. Manchester City lift yet another trophy on the Saturday, but cue the open top bus tour the next day, the former Barcelona playmaker who’s supposedly in charge of the operation is nowhere to be seen. Instead, he’s strapping on his pads by a sleepy village green, ready to go and grind out 20-odd and sup a lukewarm pint in the bar afterwards.

But the thought of Guardiola playing cricket isn’t enough in and of itself. The real question is, what sort of cricketer would he be? And we don’t mean, would he bat, bowl, or just stand about in the field, but which of the plentiful club cricket stereotypes, those that anyone who’s ever tried their hand at the recreational game will be familiar with, would he fulfil?

Thanks to Twitter account @ThatsSoVillage, you no longer need to wonder. They’ve put together the definitive* thread, assigning 17 of the 20 Premier League managers their individual roles and characteristics. It’s reminiscent of a thread from the summer, comparing England’s Test XI to their club cricket counterparts.

Pep is, in their estimation, an “elegant left handed opener with one of the best techniques on the circuit. Struggles when things don’t go his way. Coaches the juniors on Thursdays but gets white-line fever on Saturdays. Recently lost the vice-captaincy after arguing with an umpire.”

But our favourite is Jose Mourinho, who’s not far from being James Anderson in 10 years’ time. “Grumpy medium pacer,” is how they describe him. “Now playing at his fourth different club in a league of six teams. Bowls first change down the hill and makes the quicker 21-year-old run into the wind. Relentlessly abuses the batsman and his own teammates from first slip.”

The rest are below:

Pep Guardiola

Elegant left handed opener with one of the best techniques on the circuit. Struggles when things don’t go his way. Coaches the juniors on Thursdays but gets white-line fever on Saturdays. Recently lost the vice-captaincy after arguing with an umpire. pic.twitter.com/9NV4CebiV0

— That’s so Village (@ThatsSoVillage) October 16, 2020

Frank Lampard

Looks like the next Kohli in the nets but averages 8 in the middle. Keeps his place in the 1st XI because he’s married to the Club President’s daughter. Scores runs for fun on Sundays, smashing 12-year-old's in a desperate attempt to boost his Play-Cricket stats. pic.twitter.com/tpkVhiXrMT

— That’s so Village (@ThatsSoVillage) October 16, 2020

David Moyes

Clueless Club President. Forced his son to play cricket as a kid and ended up putting him completely off the game. Will play for the 3rd XI if they are desperate. Bats at 9, doesn’t bowl and is a complete liability in the field. pic.twitter.com/MRAbsD5h7B

— That’s so Village (@ThatsSoVillage) October 16, 2020

Roy Hodgson

Club Groundsman. He's been at the club for over 50 years. No one knows quite how old he is. Once told a pre-war story so could be 90. Bowls absolute pies for the 3rd XI and takes buckets of wickets. Often makes inappropriate comments in the pavilion. Club legend. pic.twitter.com/GOZniTh6F9

— That’s so Village (@ThatsSoVillage) October 16, 2020

Mikel Arteta

Skiddy young fast bowler and Pep’s son. Bowls up the hill and still takes heaps of wickets. He’s young, athletic and can swing it both ways. Mourinho hates him. pic.twitter.com/egi7X9TISq

— That’s so Village (@ThatsSoVillage) October 16, 2020

Steve Bruce

Number 4 batsman. Fields at second slip. His main job is to calm Mourinho down after another wicket-less spell. Seems to know every umpire on the circuit personally. pic.twitter.com/2X1rEvYlvI

— That’s so Village (@ThatsSoVillage) October 16, 2020

Graham Potter

3rd XI Captain. His clever swing bowling has led them to back-to-back promotions, but he often falls out with Solskjær over the club's selection policy, arguing that Ole is wasting teenagers' talent by batting them in the wrong position. pic.twitter.com/oNHOZsagaU

— That’s so Village (@ThatsSoVillage) October 16, 2020

Ralph Hassenhutl

Jurgen's brother. A decent all-rounder and backward point fielder. Walks in to bat with great menace. Says he’d have a better average than his brother if he was given the Number 3 spot. Instead bats at 7 and rarely gets into double figures. pic.twitter.com/r6W1a6LPhE

— That’s so Village (@ThatsSoVillage) October 16, 2020

Slavan Bilic

Aggressive fast bowler. Turns up in a beaten up Ford Fiesta, abuses his teammates and leaves straight after the game is over. pic.twitter.com/WGqM4ngyEI

— That’s so Village (@ThatsSoVillage) October 16, 2020

So there you have it. The question now is, what of Marcelo Bielsa, Scott Parker, and Brendan Rogers?

*Not really